We are 10 months in to 2012, so far? No bueno.
My blog has been severely neglected, my camera collecting dust and the pages in my journals remain untouched. Though my passion for all remain, the desire has faded. I somehow lost a part of myself, the part that defines who I am…was.

Tragedy struck our family this last February, it really put life in perspective for me. With that being said, I have slowly started removing my blinders and rose colored glasses. I am seeing people and life’s situations more for who and what they really are. It has been both, a rude awakening and a pleasant surprise. As cool as I am with 2012 ending, it has offered a few good days hours moments days. Here’s a quick recap… (watch this be the shortest post in the history of the WWW!)
I took a mini vaca to Las Vegas, I so needed it and thoroughly enjoyed it! I’m not really a gambler, I do love me some Fremont Street though! The atmosphere, the photo op’s, great company…a change of pace! It was fun, but O EMMM GEEE was it hot!!!

Feline Frenzy…MEOW!! This would be one of the reasons that mini vaca was so needed! After befriending a feral cat, who’s meow appropriately earned her the name “Squeeks,” I realized she was pregnant. There are an abundance of feral cats around here, obviously their situations are less than ideal. I hoped and prayed when the time came, Squeeks would find a safe and quiet place to give birth. She did. In the bushes in my front yard. Truth be told, I shed a tear when I saw Eeny, Meeny, Miney and Mo. I now had 5 feral cats living amongst my Lily’s and Irises that I felt 100% responsible for. Because that wasn’t enough, another feral kitten (about 4 weeks old) literally appeared in the backyard a few days later. Who acquires 6 stray cats in less than a week? I do…that’s who!!! Because of some amazing people, (Benji, my God lambs family) this story does have a happy ending. They took in and fostered Squeeks, Eeny, Meeny, Miney and Mo!!! (I could NOT be any more grateful!!!) “Miracle” kitty was given a home within hours of her surprise visit!! MEOW!

My cousin from Chicago is now working out here in So Cali a week every month. (I wouldn’t have a life if it wasn’t for him. For real!!) We have done baseball games, (go Angels!!) (Hello Mike Trout!!) we saw Van Halen a few months ago, we go to dinner, we do cocktails…we laugh nonstop!!! I’m just going to put it out there, we are the S.H.I.T. and I adore him and the time we spend together!!!

I tried to spend as much time possible with my lil niece/BFF, Joey before…she started kindergarten in August! We have finally moved on from our days on the playground (thank you baby Jesus!) and have become quite the choreographers. Watch for our video debut which will include dances such as The Kitten, The Sunburn, The Stroke, Funky Turtle, Crazy Snap, The I Dunno, Just Drivin’ and many more…it’s sure to go viral! I absolutely cherish each and every moment with her… I love you Beans to the moon and back and back again!!!

Have I mentioned my obsession for dolphins? Ever? I recently went on another dolphin safari…one word, ABSOLUTELYFLIPPINGAMAZING!! The catamaran was less than 1/3 full, the weather was perfect and within minutes of leaving the marina we were surrounded. It was all I could do to compose myself. Actually, I’m not sure that I did. I think with some time and a little begging…maybe a few homemade cookies, they’ll forget about everything and let me come back! I kid. Kinda.

A friend had a get together this past weekend for our ‘group’ from high school. We have managed to do this about once a year for the last few years and it’s always a good time. Just about, if not all of us have been friends since we were 15 years old. We have shared so many memories together…good and bad. It blows me away that none of us have aged…like at all!

My oldest son turned 29 in August, my youngest hit 26 in September and I turned became a year older last week. My oldest and his beautiful wife will celebrate their 1st anniversary next month. I’m not quite sure how all of this is even remotely possible, considering…well…my age! I’m just going to put it out there…my kids are great and I could not be prouder! (except for the fact I don’t think they are being honest about the whole age thing!!) My son will hit another cancer free anniversary in just a few weeks…I am so blessed!!! (and young)

Not going to lie…I’m just as shocked as you are that this post consists of more than 4 sentences….or that there’s a post at all!! I hate to wish time away, and I am going to be thankful to move forward from 2012, but all and all it did offer a few good days hours moments days.

Are you sitting down? I’m actually working on a post…and getting back into the swing of things, it’s been a minute,
I know…

Gretchen Rossi and Jay Photoglou


I could not have come across this at a better time in my life! I love each and every thought on here…so much that I had to share!!!
(now my life will be perfect!)

I gave my first PC to my Aunt Bobbie when I decided to upgrade. She was ecstatic. The first…and only lesson didn’t go so well, panic set in when I mentioned a mouse. Once she was brave enough to touch and click it, she was done for the day. She squealed in delight as she created movement on the little computer T.V. (a.k.a. monitor) and was now a self proclaimed computer genius. There may or may not have been a few issues that followed.
“Heidi, you know that ding sound the computer makes?”
“Mines not dinging.”
After a little troubleshooting via the phone, I replied…
“Maybe what you’re doing isn’t dingable.”
“Oh it’s dingable” she assured me.
“Okaayyy…your volume is up, right?”
“Yeah, should I plug the speakers back in?”
In my most composed, computer literate voice, I gently said,
“Aunt Bobbie, I’m afraid you need professional help.”
She advised me a few days later she had signed up for real computer classes. Whether she quit them or was kicked out…I don’t know, but the mouse, the little computer T.V., and the speakers remained untouched thereafter. It was then she informed me she didn’t need a computer…

I could just read her everything.

From the very first entry until the day she died, my Aunt Bobbie was the biggest fan of this website. She loved to hear my stories, she loved me to read her my poems. She literally cherished everything I wrote. Her enthusiasm, encouragement and persistence motivated me…to be a better person…to embrace what I had, accept what I didn’t. She helped me find the humor in situations I didn’t think I could get through. “Write through it, I’ll call you tomorrow so you can read it to me.” Embarrassing moments …funny moments…”Write about it…I’ll call you tomorrow so you can read it to me.” Without fail, she would call. She shared my laughter, she shared my pain. She got it…she got me, she was my biggest fan.

I had shared with her an incident a few weeks prior to her death, she could not wait for me to write about it…for me to read it to her. Almost 2 years ago to the minute, I lay in bed realizing I had not yet read it to her. I printed a copy and headed to the hospital. With a cousin sleeping on the couch and her peacefully resting in her bed, I quietly read what would be the last of many stories she had encouraged me to write, I Slept With My Sugar Daddy. (I did inform her of the risk I was taking, “this has to be quiet and fast or they will admit ME as a 5150″)

She died a few hours later.
So did a part of me.
There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about her, that I don’t miss her. She inspired me, she motivated me, she believed in me.
She was my biggest fan.

Address In The Stars
I stumbled across your picture today
I could barely breath
The moment stopped me cold,
Grabbed me like a thief.
I dialed your number, but you wouldn’t be there
I knew the whole time, but it’s still not fair
I just wanted to hear your voice,
I just needed to hear your voice.

What do I do with all I need to say
So much I wanna tell you everyday
Oh it breaks my heart,
I cry these tears in the dark
I write these letters to you,
But they get lost in the blue,
‘Cause there’s no address in the stars.

Now I’m drivin’
Through the pitch black dark
I’m screaming at the sky
Oh cause it hurts so bad
Everybody tells me
Oh all I need is time
Then the mornin’ rolls in
And it hits me again
And that ain’t nothin’ but a lie.

What do I do with all I need to say
So much I wanna tell you everyday
Oh it breaks my heart,
I cry these tears in the dark
I write these letters to you,
But they get lost in the blue,
‘Cause there’s no address in the stars.

Without you here with me,
I don’t know what to do.
I’d give anything
Just to talk to you
Oh it breaks my heart,
Oh it breaks my heart,
All I can do
Is write these letters to you,
But there’s no address in the stars.

I love you!!

Meet Benjamin, my God-Lamb.
I met him online and fell in love. Smitten, I am!

These past few months have been hell…life altering. It’s sad that it often takes tragedy to make you stop, think and put life back in perspective.

Sunday I had the pleasure of meeting Benji face to face, it was just what the doctor ordered. True story.

Rejected by his mom, Benji has been bottle fed and cared for by his owners, he could not be in better hands. (maybe except MINE of course!) I fed him, he kissed me. He won my heart, I won his trust. He was just as content to lay there as I was to hold him. Baaaa…

Just going to put it out there and say Benji is the smartest lamb ever. I know…I sound like the typical Godmother bragging about their God lamb, but he really is. He not only brings a smile to everyone and every heart he touches… he ‘smiles’ too. (note the 3rd row of pictures!) “Smile Benji” As much as he enjoys his picture taken, he likes to see it as well! Does your God lamb dance? Mine does. “Dancing lamb” (you DO see the picture in the last row, right?) He believes he is human and I do have to say, his comprehension of our vocabulary is higher than some humans I’ve met! Kidding…kinda.

Benji is different, he is special. As I said goodbye to him and his wonderful parents I told them he has a purpose, he is who he is for a reason. Whether it is one…or many, Benji is going to make a difference in someones life. I’m convinced. They already knew this, I’m sure.

On the way home, I was reflecting on the events of the past few months…of what had happened earlier that same morning. There has been so much heartache, grief and pain, for myself and for those close to me. As I went to put my hair up, I felt the now stiff (lamb saliva, yum!) pieces of hair Benji had tried to munch on. It made me smile. I felt that same sense of peace I had felt as he cuddled in my arms. I realized I was right, Benji was special…he was going to make a difference in someones life, he already had…mine.

God Lamb…you melt my heart!
(pictures are clickable for larger view)


I know…how lucky am I?

The National Enquirer reports…

Expect a real courtroom drama for GRETCHEN ROSSI and her “Real Housewives of Orange County” co-stars if her ex-boyfriend JAY PHOTOGLOU has his way!

After three years of slugging it out in an ugly “he said/she said” legal battle over their relationship, the two are set to face off in a civil trial, and sources say Jay plans to subpoena several of Gretchen’s former and current castmates to testify against her.

“RHOC” stars TAMRA BARNEY, PEGGY TANOUS, LYNNE CURTIN and are among those expected to take the stand, and if they do, they’ll have to tell the truth about when Gretchen’s romance with Jay actually began.

The blonde bombshell claims to have been engaged to millionaire JEFF BEITZEL when she joined “RHOC” in early 2008. Beitzel was suffering from leukemia at the time, and died in September 2008.

Their relationship and Gretchen’s tender bedside care for Beitzel as his health deteriorated was a major part of her story line during her inaugural season on Bravo’s “RHOC” in 2008.

Gretchen insists Jay, who works in the auto industry, was nothing more than a “family friend” back then, while he contends that he was Gretchen’s real-life boyfriend during filming. In 2009, he even told The ENQUIRER: “She (Gretchen) spent her days at the hospital with her dying fiance, but her nights with me.”

Not so, says Gretchen. In 2009 she declared that “Jay Photoglou is nothing more than a thief and liar. Jay and I had a short-lived relationship BEFORE Jeff and I dated.”

Soon after, Gretchen filed a restraining order against Jay — he says to keep him quiet. That was dismissed, and Gretchen was ordered to pay his attorney’s fees.

But then he slapped her with a civil lawsuit for defamation, and she hit back with a countersuit. With their civil trial looming, Gretchen recently gave a deposition in which she changed her story about when she actually met Jay. She also admitted that she spent time with Jay on at least four separate occasions after she got engaged to her now-deceased fiance. But when pressed further by Jay’s attorney, she clammed up.

“No matter what, Gretchen is not going to like it when her fellow housewives have to spill the beans about her relationship with Jay Photoglou,” said an insider. “I’m sure no matter what they say, it won’t help Gretchen’s case.”

Is this the moment we’ve all been waiting for…the moment of truth?
Check back soon, this is getting really good!

I loved Judy Blume growing up. This was the first of her collection I read and I find myself referring to this title more than ever lately.  I wish there was one called, “Does It Ever Stop?”

I love blogging…I love writing, I really do…but it has really taken a backseat in my life lately.

Tough times my friends, tough times.

We buried my brother 3 days ago, he had been missing for 13 days. Horrific circumstances and a lot to process.

I will share more soon.

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