I was driving last week and saw this be-ut-iful sunset. With no camera in hand, I called my son and asked him to capture this magical moment….He did a wonderful job. (yep, thats my boy!) Thanks Ry!

So this has been quite a busy and eventful month for me. Seems as if my website has been neglected and for that, I feel I owe the cyber-world an explanation!

1. I moved to a place of serenity. A place surrounded by large beautiful shaded trees, the delight of wild birds chirping, and the sound of water flowing.
2. A long time friend with whom I spend about 6 months a year with finally came out of her shell. I have been spending time nurturing this transition.
3. I took a trip with a friend to a Tattoo Shop and got stuck in there.
4. I have been spending quality time with royality.
5. I traded in my ‘crown’ of glory’ for a more sophisticated, stylish one
6. I have been mourning the loss of a close, faithful companion.
7. I have been busy with an addition.
8. Me and my car, Lizee went for what started out as a short trip to the gas station and car wash. It ended up being quite a memorable trip….and we ran into some money!

So whats it all mean you ask? A simple translation.

1. I moved. Yes there are beautiful trees, birds everywhere….and occasionally I do hear the neighbors toilet flush.
2. My turtle came out of hibernation.
3. I went with a friend and got my nose pierced. (oh, get over it already…it’s a very tiny rhinestone)
4. I have been busy with my “princess.” My cat, better known as Filthy or Tia’. She just got a Lion haircut and had to visit the Drs. for a bladder infection. (She looks so flippin’ cute….royalishious!)
5. I…. I got a long awaited and deserved haircut. My golden tresses are styling!
6. My Adobe Photoshop trial expired and my old version is not compatible with my new MacBook.
7. I have been busy gaining weight!
8. This is a doozy. While out running errands, I got in a car accident. I am o.k., Lizee…not so good. We hit a car making a left hand turn. Hence, we ran into money…to the tune of about $5,400.00

In a nutshell…that’s my explanation!

ALL PUNS INTENDED

1. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.

2. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

3. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

6. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.

7. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

8. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

10. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wish es she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

11. And finally, there was the girl who sent twenty different puns to her friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.

- Being happy doesn’t mean everything’s perfect. It means you’ve decided to see beyond the imperfections!

So in wake of my recent move, I have been downsizing. Tossing this, donating that and selling a few larger things. I have found that craigslist is the hot ticket however, I have noticed some inquires to my ads have gone straight to my “SPAM” folder. I never pay much attention to the mail in there, not until today. That place is like hitting the jack-pot, winning the lotto…you should take a peak at what you have in there, could be well worth it!
I can;
1. Afford that dream house
2. Make $300.00 or more a day processing rebates
3. Get a full scholarship to be a nurse
4. Buy a home for $10,000 (i think i will get that dream house)
5. Find my one and only true love…for free
6. Be featured on Oprah
7. Be approved for any new vehicle
8. Flirt with sexy singles
9. Be an ebay millionire
10. Get a colored Dell computer for free
11. and a new pink iPone
and my favorites…
12. Have $1,500.00 in my checking account in one hour…just because
13. I can experience 4 beautiful nights in Cancun for free!
the possibilities are endless. You too can be just as ‘fortunate’, be sure to check your SPAM mail as well…you just never know!

they may grow up but they will always be my babies!

if you have not read the previous chapters of my big, thick book click here…if you have, you are good to go!

Chapter 8
Me and Dude-E

It was a clear, warm, beautiful, California day. It was a day I don’t care to remember.
It was a day he would rather forget.
I will refer to him as Dude-E.
I had been at the hospital, keeping my mom and sister company as they waited for a loved one to come out of surgery. We did word finds, crossword puzzles, flipped through magazines, ( i had a secret fantasy that perhaps one clear, warm, beautiful, California day someone would be in the waiting room reading my book!) ate, talked and laughed.
Somewhere in that Hospital was Dude-E.
Our fate at this point, unknown.
Surgery was successful and my day as an ‘entertainer’ had come to an end…I was ready to leave the hospital and enjoy the rest of the clear, warm, beautiful, California day. My sister agreed to walk me out to my car as she too wanted some fresh air. I said good-bye to my mom and we made our way to the elevator. I started doing the jig on the elevator…not the oooh, watch me dance jig, more like the oh dear I gotta pee dance. Because I had about a fifteen minute drive, I decided better safe than sorry (really sorry) and found my way to the hospital restrooms.
At some point, Dude-E must have been doing the jig-e somewhere too.
The only facilities I could find had the men/woman sign on the door. Now I know that for sure because after my experience in Chapter 5, I pay attention to these things, close attention.
I talk a lot, and this day was no exception. I had found this restroom however, being in the midst of a conversation with my sister, whilst doing the jig, I entered the one person bathroom paying no attention to anything but what I was blabbering about. Ooooh I really gotta go now sis….as I shut the door I turned around and that’s when it happened.
Our eyes met, mine and Dude-E‘s.
As I stand there doing the jig, there he sat…Dude-E.
Oh and by not you probably got the picture. Dude-E was taking a doodie.
I scrambled fast, oh dear God did I scramble.
I walk (run) out, my sister giving me a ‘oh that was fast you didn’t wet your pants did you’ look.
RUN was all I could say, RUN for your life. Now my guess is Dude-E wasn’t going to chase me down but he wasn’t a small man and I did not want to take any chances. So we ran, my sister didn’t know quite why she was running but she did. We got to the elevator, I pushed every flippin’ button in sight. Twice. After what seemed like 10 minutes one opened. Clear out the gurneys…I am running from Dude-E as we pushed our way on. “Why are we running?” my sister asked between breaths. “Dude-E, I saw Dude-E” I replied, trying to catch my breath.
We both pushed every button in the elevator trying to speed it up. It opens on the second floor there stood my mom waiting to see her loved one. I explained the best I could what had happened. “Calm down, it’s o.k.” she said as she wailed with hysterics, “calm down” “I can’t calm down…I still gotta pee!!” I said as my eyes bulged further and further out. “I gotta pee and Dude-E is in the bathroom!” By now the surrounding hospital goers and staff had heard us and roared in laughter with my mom.
Haha.
One very nice nurse felt my pain, and offered to lead me to a VACANT restroom.
I was now jig free but worried about how I was going to make it out to my car without running in to Dude-E. I would die. What would I say.
‘Hi?’ ‘Lock the door next time, you have now scarred me for life!’ ‘How ya feeling?’
Fortunately, I made it without incident.
I climbed into my car and drove off, enjoying the clear, warm, beautiful, California day!

I got this in an email and laughed hysterecally, histerically, hystericaly, hard…thought I would share!

True story!!!