A random picture I just came across. Appropriate for this time of year, reminds me of Halloween. It was taken a few years back on a hot and sunny, summer day. A random day. For no particular reason, my best friend Deanna and I donned these masks while driving around running errands….in a convertible. It wasn’t out of character for either of us, perhaps this was a warning, an indication we I had issues.
This month has been pretty uneventful. I had a Doctors appointment for my ear infection, I have started to prepare my turtle, Kiwi for hibernation. Got new front tires for my car, I lost my mom for a day (she was fine!) I did have the pleasure of having my son and his puppies come for a week-end visit…twice!!! I survived another birthday, officially reaching my
mid-forties! And….I did something that, a few years ago I could never have fathomed. It was unrealistic, a goal that was unreachable within my wildest dreams.
But I did it…..and if I had a horn, I would toot it!

Seven years ago, after experiencing a traumatic event I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (O.C.D.) I had a type, similar to what they refer to as Trichotillomania, a form of hair pulling. Long story short, I would spend an average of 5 to 12 hours a day pulling my hair out, eventually leaving me completely bald. As fast as those babies grew back in, I would yank them right back out. There was nothing anyone could do or say that would justify my stopping. The urge or ‘impulse’ has often been described as a hiccup in your brain, or a brain lock, preventing your brain from shifting gears. Wigs (later dubbed “the helmets”) and scarves did a great job of covering the physical effects, but the emotional and psychological damage it caused was often more than I could bear. This not only impacted my life, affecting my ability to function in the outside world….it unfortunately took a toll on everyone around me.
Unable to fully comprehend what I was going through, and not knowing how to deal with it, some people pulled away from me….abandoning our relationship. Those who stood by me were there through the thick and thin, good days and the bad reiterating their unconditional love. After six years, with the support of my loved ones by my side, many hours of therapy, medications, a lot of sweat, tears, prayers and determination. I (toot-toot) have reached a personal (tooooot) milestone. As of October 5th, 2008 it has been (toot-toot-toot) one year since I have tugged, pulled or mutilated my hair (tooot) in any way!!! After going through a year of awkward lengths and styles…..I finally got my first real “girly” haircut. I maintain therapy to help prevent any sort of relapse, but I’m there.
A few years ago I could never have fathomed this. It was unrealistic, a goal that was unreachable within my wildest dreams.
But I did it…..and if I had a horn, I would toot it!

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