Mon 5 May 2008
if you have not read the previous chapters of my big, thick book click here…if you have, you are good to go!
It was Christmas day.
It was a few years ago, but oh how fresh it is in my mind.
My face blended well with the red lights that adorn the tree.
It started out like any other Christmas day. We were up at 6 a.m., however I was awake at 4 a.m. pacing the bedroom floor anxious to see what Santa had brought me, I mean the kids. After all was said and done, (by the way I got squat that year!) we ate breakfast, (Costco muffins, I refused to cook after getting squat!) we showered and headed off to my parents for our traditional Christmas dinner.
For some reason, I’m thinking every flippin’ relative I have was there. From siblings to my aunt’s cousins step-daughters nephew. One person was too many that day, in a minute you’ll understand why. Relax…I’m getting there.
Too cool to hang with the old folks, my son and nephew (not my aunt’s cousins step-daughters nephew) sat in front of the stereo talking…I assume about boy/men ‘stuff.’ They, for whatever reason decided to call a radio station to request a song. No harm in that right? Except the D.J. completely blew them off over and over again and continued playing Tra-La-La-La-La songs. It is Christmas after all, even though I got squat at least the Christmas music is keeping me in the spirit.
Now they have a brilliant idea,
“Mom, you’re a girl(?) you call…he’ll listen to you!”
Tis the season, I can’t say no. I was still hoping for that present after all, so I agreed. As I start to dial I ask what song they wanted me to request.
“Big Balls by AC/DC.”
“Come again…..you want to hear what????”
(I can’t believe I am admitting this on the WWW) Being the cool mom I am….I continued with the phone call. (all the while in th background my mom is informing us it is almost time to eat.) (I brought my leftover Costco muffins.) (Blueberry)
“Merry Christmas, KXXX Radio”
“Hi…um, I wanted to request a song?”
“Wow, you have a sexy voice…”
So now I am walking to a back room for privacy, this wasn’t going to be an easy call. Blushing like a 14 year old girl who was talking to a boy for the first time, I continue.
“I do?” I mean “I do!!”
“You sound hot!”
“Naw…giggle, giggle,” as I take a quick glance at the mirror.
“I bet you have a lot of boyfriends.”
“Naw” as I break out in a heat flash.
Now bear in mind I am doing this for the sake of the kids, it had nothing to do with getting my ego stroked…..even a little.
“But I do have a song request!”
“Oh, yes….anything, what can I play for you?”
Oh gees Louise, now I have to verbalize this song to this raunchy D.J. dude, “Um….Big Balls by…”
“Oh you tiger, I know who sings that”
“It’s for my kids.”
“Sure it is honey.”
I scream. Not the someone help me scream, but the scream of a 14 year old who who has just talk to a boy for the first time!
“Thank you so much!”
“Anytime hot mama.” (o.k. thats a lie, but he did say anytime!)
Click. I hung up to the calling of my mom who informed me they are waiting on me.
“Sorry, I had an important call to make,” as I wink at the kids its a done deal.
Now my mom tells us to turn the stereo off so we can say Grace. Does she not have a clue what I just subjected myself to. Can she not see the 8 shades of red that still adorns my face? So…just as my son approaches the stereo you hear the screams of a 14 year old girl from those big Hi Fi speakers. Not the someone help me scream, but the scream of a 14 year old who who has just talk to a boy for the first time!
It was a familiar scream.
It was my scream. (but who cares…really no one knows it’s me…and it was just a scream)
From there on out everything was in s l o w m o t i o n.
My family, now standing in a circle holding hands can’t possibly reconize the scream. But before my son hit the button my conversation with this raunchy D.J. dude proceeding the scream, played in full. You could hear a pin drop. The conversation which seemed to last forever finally ended. I try to play it off, but they knew, they all knew.
The kids are laughing hysterically.
My mom used my middle name.
It was on thing I acted like a 14 year giddy girl flirting with a raunchy D.J. dude, it was a whole different story I was calling to request Big Balls. My phone rings, it rings again….and again. Seems everybody was tuned in to KXXX this wonderful Christmas morning. Sweet, innocent Heidi’s cover had been blown. Some have never acknowledged the incident since, others…well, I will never hear the end of it.
So did he ever play Big Balls? How could he resist such a sexy voice! So I did get squat after all…I got my 15 seconds of fame!
Merry Christmas kids.