What an amazing story I have to share…

…soon!!!

It has been 48 days since my Aunt Bobbie passed away, yet the reality of it it still unfathomable. I often find myself picking up the phone to call her, or making a mental note about something I need to tell her. I miss her laugh, her words of wisdom. I miss talking to her, I miss her.

I sat with her for a few hours, alone, just before she passed away. I laughed, I cried. I told her it was o.k. to go, I threatened she better not leave me. I talked and talked and talked (as usual)…she listened, (as usual) occasionally squeezing my hand or just giving me a simple sigh, letting me know she was present in the conversation.

I don’t remember exactly what I did or didn’t say, but I know there was, and never will be enough time or words to say everything I wanted…or needed to say. A few things I may…or may not have forgotten…

• I am sorry for draining your phone battery nearly every time we talked.

• I will miss my $5.00 gift certificates to McDonalds in my birthday card each year.

• Thank you for being my babysitter, my aunt and my friend.

• I will never forgive you for making me eat the fat on my steak.

• I am sorry for not telling anyone you ran out of gas on that hot, summer day when you called for help.

• Thank you for not beating me with that stick you had in your hand when you had to walk home…on that hot, summer day.

• I forgive you for giving me 2 left gloves for Christmas.

• I confess, it was me that hid the hominy in the milk…I didn’t want to eat it!!!

• Thank you for always standing by my side through the years.

• I will always treasure the night, not long ago, we tried on all your favorite hats…and laughed so hard we almost peed our pants. You gave me your favorite one!

• I will never forgive you for reintroducing me to Spice Drops. I eat them excessively…

• Thank you for giving me 5 fantastic cousins!

• Thank you for teaching me the difference between a meat grinder and an apple peeler.

• I forgive you for giving me the ugliest fabric pin and earrings I have ever seen.

• Thank you for letting me “practice” cutting your hair.

• Thank you for letting me “practice” cutting your hair a 2nd time.

• I will think of you every time I’m having a bad day and spray on my “Phuket” body spray. I will include an extra spay each time..for you.

• Thank you for all the Deviled Egg plates. One can never have too many.

• I will never forgive you for making me search every floor of the hospital for your keys, only for you to tell me an hour later you found them…in your bra.

• I miss being able to cry on your shoulder.

• Thank you for slipping me what was probably your last $40.00 under the Thanksgiving dinner table, because you knew the position I was in.

• I’m sorry I told Randy to run from you when he was in trouble.

• I’m sorry I told Randy the “Music Man” was really the “Ice Cream Man.”

• I will never understand why your purse weighed more than I did.

• Thank you for being such a good sister to my mom.

• Thank you for leaving us all with such a precious and beautiful gift…your legacy.

• I will always remember you for your giant, gentle heart, your compassion for all. Your ability to forgive, your infectious laugh, your words of wisdom, your inspiration. I will remember your never ending strength, your Waldorf Salad that I hated, your patience, trust and endless love. I will always remember you for being the best aunt I could have asked for, the best friend I could turn to and the incredible woman that you were.

I will always remember you. Thank you for the memories.
I’m sorry, forgive me and I confess.

I love you!!

A few (and I use that word loosely) pictures from my mini-vaca…

a.k.a. Deanna and Heidi

It has been so long since I’ve done a layout and although I miss doing them, I had forgotten how time consuming they can be. Apparently I forgot more than that. SAVE. SAVE. SAVE.  Just as I was adding the final touches, poof…the whole thing was gone. Done. Lost. After taking a few shots deep breaths, I did my best to throw it back together recreate it.
These are from my Ventura trip…a few of our gazillion cell-phone-self-portraits!

You know when somebody has a really good secret…you already know it but have to wait for them to share it with you? Or when that present under the Christmas tree is the exact dimensions of something you really want…but you have to wait to open it? What about when your favorite meal is cooking…you can smell it, but you have to wait until it’s done to dive in?

Well, what if that really good secret was never shared with you? Or that present wasn’t even for you? How would you feel if your favorite meal wasn’t edible because you mistakenly let it burn?
(I don’t know, maybe you were all too consumed with the secret and the present)

Get where I’m going with this?

What if you discovered a cocoon? What if you watched that cocoon for say…oh a very long time? Smiling every time you see it…at the thought of what is transpiring within those silky walls. Waiting, wondering and anticipating the newly evolved life to emerge…

You share your excitement with others…they smile, finding your enthusiasm endearing. They find your enthusiasm entertaining…actually, they find it downright hysterical.

It was like the secret that was never shared, the gift that wasn’t meant for you, and the dinner that you burned. You are disappointed, feeling a small sting in your pride.

What if you discovered a cocoon? What if you watched that cocoon for say…oh a very long time? What if you found out that cocoon was really a…..

..

..

..

..

cotton ball?

Just curious….
because the same thing just happened to me a friend too.