I have had so much going on lately and so much to write about, but time is not my friend right now! I am working on something, but until then…enjoy #2 of a random blast from the past. Originally posted in December 2007~

We have all heard the saying; “She/He doesn’t have all her/his ducks in a row”
Now my ducks may wander from time to time but they have always managed to find their way back. Not this time. Not only are they not in a row, I am missing a few. Did they leave on their own free will or were they abduckted? It doesn’t matter; I just want them back, I miss them. I want them in a row.

Bad things happen when your ducks are misplaced.
Where are your ducks? Are they all accounted for…or have they wandered too?
Here are a few signs they may be missing as well:

You no longer think clearly.
You ‘accidentally’ lock your keys in the car…while it’s running.
Deep breath…collect your thoughts
You have someone bring you your spare set. Woot-Woot!
You push the “unlock” button that technology has provided you for convenience
You push the “unlock” button, again. The car won’t unlock, it is running.
Breathe.
Assuming the person who brought you the spare still has their ducks, you rely on them for suggestions. They have none.
Collect your thoughts.
You eventually notice this foreign object dangling next to the “unlock” button.
It’s a key.
You unlock the door.

You take your beloved pet, Fluffy to the vet. As you are writing them a check that wipes out your life savings & kids college fund, they explain to you that fluffy has an ear infection. They give you drops, 3 drops, 3x a day…yadda, yadda, yadda. You follow directions precisely, 3 drops, 3x a day in the infected ear. It’s a struggle, but you are a caring, responsible pet owner. You owe it to Fluffy.
Perhaps it would be easier for both of you with the help of another.
You comfort and position Fluffy as you explain the routine to your brave helper. This person obviously does not have a duck problem. Their ducks are not only all accounted for, they sit prim and proper in the most perfect row you have ever seen. Your brave helper must have sensed your “problem” prompting them to read the directions for themselves.
It was then you learned…you were horrified….how could you?
Those drops were an antibiotic, to be administered orally.

You awake after a good night sleep. You climb into a nice, hot shower to prepare for your day. By now you have your routine down. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. If you are a girl (woman, if you will) your routine generally consists of shaving. You love the feeling of those baby soft legs. The ‘pits’ are a must, and then there’s the bikini line (vay down there!) You lather up with your favorite shaving cream. A razor is a dangerous object but you are an adult and you have done this a million times.
Left pit. Right pit.
Left leg. Right leg.
Now the bikini area, (vay down there) you approach with a little more caution. This is a delicate area. It’s at that point you realize perhaps you are a bit over confident and not as thorough as you should be.
You start over.
Left pit. Right pit.
Left leg. Right leg.
You rinse and re-rinse the razor. Looks clean as a whistle.
Being the dare devil that you are, you attempt the bikini area again. (vay…..)
Nothing. You come to the conclusion the razor is dull. Yes, it’s brand new but you never know, the razor packer dude may have a duck problem as well.
You got a bad razor, get over it.
You toss it in the trash; you glance at it to make sure it indeed landed in there (you would not want Fluffy to get a hold of it)
That’s when you see it.
You become flush, and for a brief moment you think you hear your ducks…
laughing (quacking up) at you…as if they saw it too.
The protective cover on your new razor is still on it.

Your ducks are like Guardian Angels, they watch over you. They also instill you with knowledge. Without them you must learn on your own. The hard way. For example, I have learned:
While standing at your bathroom mirror blow-drying your hair, it is physically possible to fall into the shower.
It is best to cut the protective seal off of baby lotion. Holding the bottle in your hands and pulling the seal off with your teeth will send an unexpected explosion of lotion into your mouth.
You can fall not only down stairs, but up the stairs as well.
I’ve learned that while listening to a lengthy phone message, even if you forget it is a message and respond to the caller, they will not reply.

So you see, our ducks play an important role in not only our mental health but our physical health as well. Appreciate them, protect them.
Did they leave on their own free will or were they duck-napped. It doesn’t matter; I just want my ducks back. I want them in a row, but if that never happens I’ll be o.k…as much as I miss them…I’ll be o.k!